A little time to rest

Since I have been taken off work by my doctor until the baby is born, my body has been able to rest. I am so thankful for that. Sleeping all night long is such a blessing. I was so concerned about working all night, going into labor, and delivering him while sleep deprived and then going into the newborn phase the same way. I believe this time off work enforced by my OB (I see all of them in the group - they are all great but primarily see Dr. Mayer and Dr. Hebets) is a gift from God. I found out the other day that it doesn't cut into my maternity time either. My maternity time starts when the baby is born - this time off before he is born is categorized as medical short term disability. So God is also providing for us financially during this time of rest (why am I surprised at this provision?).

What I am most thankful for right now is this extra time I have had with Trey. I thought I was in labor last Tuesday, and I was pretty emotional about it being my last night with Trey as my only child (not that I don't consider our new baby to be our child yet but you know what I mean). I wanted to savor every moment with him. So on Tuesday night, while contracting regularly, I gave him his bath and read to him. I was able to rock him to sleep. I was so happy for the time with him. I have had all this past week to spend with him, and I am so grateful to God for this special time where I am not in a zombie-like state from staying up all night working. The contractions come and go - nothing regular. I am okay with that. For being almost 39 weeks pregnant, I feel remarkably well.



I went to Dr. Hebets on Friday and am now 4 cm dilated. I am almost halfway there and not even in labor yet - how cool is that! Pray for David - he is so stressed that we will have the baby in our car.

38 weeks

I am now 38 weeks pregnant, and I am so thankful for a healthy pregnancy where I have been able to continue to work full time night shift (which is no easy task even when not pregnant). I haven't called in sick one time this entire pregnancy, but that is only because God has continued to give me physical and mental strength and also because I have an incredibly supportive husband who does most of our cooking and housework for us.

Overall, I feel pretty good. I worked last night and went to the doctor today. Dr. Hebets said I was 3cm and 80% effaced. So that's a pretty good start. I've been slowly changing each week that I've been at the office. I also had a couple of high blood pressures, some generalized swelling, and had protein in my urine which she was concerned about. Initially, she talked to me about cutting my hours back but then she decided that she wanted me to not work the rest of the week. She wants me to rest. I will say that I am relieved a bit - I didn't feel like I could just say I didn't want to work, but having my doctor say I couldn't work right now made the decision easy for me. The plan is that if I am not delivered by next Tuesday when I am 39 weeks then they will induce my labor. I really prefer to labor on my own and not be induced. After the exam today and Dr. Hebets stripping my membranes, I started to contract more regularly and intensely. I waited a few hours - the contractions continued. I thought for sure we would be going to the hospital - I was even texting a couple of nurse friends at work tonight to tell them how I was progressing. But then the contractions spaced out. So I guess it's not time yet - I'm okay with that. I am still having contractions but they are irregular. I go back to the doctor on Friday, so I guess I will see if I have made any change and how my blood pressure is.

We are ready for our new baby to come. I am so blessed to have had 2 baby showers for him - one by the girls in our Sunday school class and one by the girls at work. We already have a lot of things for him because we are reusing almost everything from Trey, but it is always nice to have new things too. I still need to go get him an outfit for when he is first born - I may do that in the morning. I am so excited to meet him, hold him, and smell his sweet newborn softness.

We are doing some things different this time around. We have decided we are going to cloth diaper him. I have been the grateful recipient of 33 small and size 1 cloth diapers by BumGenius and FuzziBunz diapers - each one costs about $16 new, so that is a huge savings for us. A girl I work with used them with her baby, and she has given the ones to me her baby has outgrown. I must say that we haven't received a ton of support in this cloth diapering endeavor (most people think we are a little crazy to give up the "convenience" of a disposable diaper), but I am really excited about it. It will be a tremendous cost savings to us as well as better for our baby's bottom. David is totally on board with this - I don't think I could do it if he wasn't. We may do a little of both - maybe disposable while we travel, but cloth when we are at home. It will be a change for us, so I will keep you posted on how it goes. By the way, we will wash them at home - not use a diaper service.

I am most excited about my Moby wrap that I just purchased. I hope to do more babywearing with our new baby especially with having a toddler to chase around and play with. I've been wanting one of these since Trey was a baby, but I just never bought one. I received it in the mail the other day and have been practicing using it. I can't wait to hold our new little one in it.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Trey

We had a fun family day together on Trey's 2nd birthday. We sang to him several times throughout the day which he seemed to love. David took him on 3 tractor rides (his all time favorite thing to do), and we played with bubbles (his 2nd favorite thing to do). We were able to talk with his Gigi and Papa, Grandma and Grandpa (skyping him from Africa), and most of his aunts and uncles. We are so grateful that Trey is loved by so many people.

We were going to take him to a bounce house, but when we went there, it wasn't open. We then opted to go to a park to play but as we were driving to the park, we drove by a Chuck E Cheese. David thought that would be fun for him. We went in, bought a pizza and some tokens, and played for a couple hours. It was really fun, but Chuck E Cheese is probably too much for him at this age. There is so much to do and be distracted by that he didn't know what to do or to focus on. Trey is easily entertained (which I am thankful for) - when we left, we thought we would have had just as much fun at the park. But we are still glad we did it.

I made vegetable soup for dinner, and then made him a chocolate cake. Once again this year, he was mesmerized by the candle on his cupcake. It was almost like he was in a trance, and he couldn't take his eyes off it nor would he smile. He did the same thing last year. He had some cards with gift cards from Grandpa and Grandma Perry, Great Gramma Estes and Parker Riese. Gigi and Papa sent him a fun train set that he loves! Aunt Faith and Uncle Tom sent him a fun pretend camera that says "Ready? Smile" and "Cheese" - he wanted to sleep with it, and I still randomly in the night or early morning hear the voice on the camera talking from his crib. Pretty funny. Uncle Phil and Aunt Brenda sent him a dump truck and a book of nursery rhymes that he insists on reading before bed. And we gave him bubbles and a potty chair - not something David was thrilled with getting him at first, but Trey loves his potty chair! We are in no way thinking he is ready for using the potty, but we wanted to get him used to the idea. He loves to sit on it. Sometimes he carries it around the house (not sure if that is such a good idea). Trey had such a fun day, and we loved being together.

This is part of what I wrote to Trey in his birthday letter that I write every year:
Trey, we love you so much. You have brought so much love and joy into our lives - you have helped us to grow closer as a family, and you have helped us to know and understand better the love that God has for us as His children. Somedays are more challenging than others, but everyday with you is a blessing. You are going to be such a good big brother to your new brother. You love to point at mama's belly and say "baby" - sometimes you point at Daddy's belly and say "baby" too - that always makes us laugh. You love to read and color. You have so much fun playing outside especially when Daddy takes you on a tractor ride or plays with you in the orchard. You are a good eater, and you love to crunch on ice like mama. You love all sorts of vegetables and fruit. You light up a room wherever we go, and I hope you will always be the happy, loving boy that you are today. I love seeing you talk on Skype to our faraway family - it makes them so happy when you blow kisses or try to talk with them. You are loved by so many people - your family, people here at UIM, friends at church. We pray for you every day that you will grow to be the kind of man that loves God and loves people. We are so thankful that God gave (lent) you to us for this time.

Playing at Chuck E Cheese

Looking for the balls to come out

Playing with the train from Gigi and Papa - it makes such fun noises
Opening the present from Uncle Phil and Aunt BrendaWe hold hands when we pray before dinner - this is one of those moments I treasure in my heart - many times we will sing our prayer

Playing in the bounce house at the church fall festival

Some updates on Trey :
He is 33 3/4 inches tall (33%) , and he weighs 26.4 pounds (30%)

He is not saying a lot of words that we can understand, but his vocabulary is increasing every day. He says please, thank you, Dada, Mama, baby, dog, cheese, shoe, Gigi, Papa, ice, brother, book, door, uh oh - he jabbers nonstop but we just don't always know what he is saying. We are working on that with him - the pediatrician sees nothing wrong with his vocabulary either.

He attends the toddler class at church on Sundays and seems to enjoy that. He comes home with a craft every week. He and I attend MOPS every other week, and he has fun there.

Inviting the Glorious into the Mundane

My friend Tiffany who is a mom to 2 precious children shared this with me last week - I was really encouraged by it so I wanted to share it with you. I so much want to be the wife and mama that God wants me to be, yet I find I am always feeling like I am falling short of my own expectations. I am challenged and encouraged to make my days about seeing His great purpose - not to get discouraged my the monotony of my life but to realize that God has a plan and a purpose even in the mundane things. I want His plans to be my plans - I want to see each day through God's eyes. I hope you will be encouraged by these 2 videos.

Being A Mom {Part 1} from christy nockels on Vimeo.

Being A Mom {Part 2} from christy nockels on Vimeo.

Thank you, Mom

Trey loves Grandma

David went to Europe to 2 1/2 weeks with his parents. I was so happy that he was able to spend this time with them. I would have loved to go with him - we had had the cash for the trip saved since April. But we decided that it would be a lot more work than fun to try to travel with a 27 week pregnant me and a toddler (who normally transitions and travels very well but not when he is tired - we would have spent much of the trip getting adjusted to the 9 hour time difference). They were doing a lot of traveling through 4 countries in a short amount of time, and I think the decision for me and Trey to not go was a good and wise decision. There will be days in the future when we don't have little ones and then we can go on trips like this together. Thank you, Tom and Barbara, for taking David on this wonderful trip - I know the trip meant a lot to him - more than any of us probably realize.

So the dilemma with David going was how would I work while he was away? Who would watch Trey while I worked at night and slept during the day? My mom graciously offered to come out to Arizona and stay with me and Trey so that David could go. If she had not offered, I don't see how he could have gone. I really appreciate her willingness to come out. She flew in the day David flew out. And then she left the day David came home - they even had layovers together in the Detroit airport.


Mom cared for Trey in a wonderful way. They went to McDonald's together and on little errands. She took him to the library for ToddlerTime. She helped make dinner on nights that I worked. She cleaned the house for me - even washed the windows inside and out. She bought Trey some new plastic plates and new sippy cups. She helped me purchase and hang new blinds for our bedrooms - the other ones had been up for years and were all sun-damaged. She cooked some meals ahead for us for when the baby is born (her lasagna is the best). I am so thankful for this time we had together. I have been really homesick lately - worried a little about having a baby so far away from all of our family. This time really encouraged me. Mom gave up a bunch of things at home so that she could come help us - thank you, Mom, for coming to stay with us. We love you.

Bath time - Trey loves a captive audience

Projects

It seems we have been working on projects since we moved to Arizona last summer. I have made a list of what I wanted to get done. I wanted to put pictures up of some of what has been done. Just for a quick reminder, this is what our place looked like about a week after we moved in (click here)

This is a dresser that I sanded and stained to match Trey's crib - this is before I started

This is during the sanding - it took me about 4 days to sand it down

We have bought all of our furniture for Trey (and for ourselves) used, so our crib didn't match his dresser. I have been wanting to stain his dresser to match his crib since he was first born

The finished product - the dresser matches his crib perfectly

I have painted the entire house - 3 bedrooms , kitchen, bathroom, and family room. It took me a couple months during Trey's naptime and around my night work schedule. But it is finally done and we are happy with the results. We are so thankful that God has provided us a place to stay. We used to think to that we had "free housing" - but it is anything but free. David puts in a lot of hours as the caretaker in exchange for our rent. And putting in a lot of outside hours mowing, tending to an orchard, etc in the Arizona heart is no easy task. If he was actually paid for all the work he does, his pay would be much more than our housing expense. I am so thankful for his hard work to provide us this place to live.

David changed all the outlets and the lights switches in the house. He changed out ceiling fans. He also pretty much gutted the bathroom - the drywall had gotten wet above the shower and he had to rip that out and put up new drywall. He did a great job.

I am looking forward to some day have our own place to do projects in. But for now, I am content to be here. We have more than what we need, and it is such a blessing in this economy to see God's hand providing for each of our needs in an abundant way.

The bathroom completed - we found the vanity, sink, and mirror on a closeout on Craigslist for 1/8 of what the retail price had been

Painting the kitchen cabinets was tedious but it brightened up the kitchen a lot

{sigh}

David is outside mowing and raking in the 105 degree, humid, monsoon-season weather. Trey is asleep for his nap - he's been down about an hour so he'll sleep probably another hour or two. David took care of him this morning - they went on errands to Lowe's, the credit union, and Sprouts (my favorite place to buy produce). While they ran errands, I slept because I work tonight, tomorrow, and the next night. When I woke up, Trey was already down for his nap, and the house was clean - the dishes were done, the floor was mopped, the toys were all picked up in the family room. So I sit here sipping my coffee enjoying the quiet waiting to start dinner in a little bit.

It all sounds wonderful, huh? It IS wonderful - it's wonderful that my husband grew up watching his Dad serve his Mom and their family around the house the same way David helps around here - he had such an incredible role model. And I appreciate David, and I make a point to verbalize and express that appreciation. But more often than not, instead of feeling that it's wonderful, I struggle with my role as the (for now) breadwinner. I actually feel lost most of the time. I love my job - I completely believe that for me, being a nurse is a calling from God. But more than that, I believe being a wife and a mom are my first and second callings and priorities, seconded only to loving God and striving to live in a way that pleases Him. I love being home - I love caring for Trey and spending time with David. But when I'm at home, I don't feel like I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing either due to usually being exhausted from working full time nights. I feel like I do everything halfheartedly. I grew up in a wonderful home too, but my mom did all the housework (not that my dad wouldn't help but my mom just usually did everything) and my dad brought in the income. Sometimes I think those very traditional roles are stuck in my head, and if I am not doing all the things I expect I should do, then I feel like I am failing as a wife and mom. I know that to say that sounds irrational, but these are the thoughts and feelings I am struggling with.

I also know that this is just a season in my life. Our plans were for me to work while David goes to school. Our plans have been altered a bit - we knew nothing about our living arrangements when we left TN a year ago, but God provided an amazing opportunity for us here at UIM for David to work as a caretaker. He hasn't been able to attend traditional classes like he intended due to responsibilities at UIM and caring for Trey. But he has started an online course that he should finish around the time the baby is born. We are anticipating with this training that he will get a full time job, and I can stay home with our boys. Eventually, we would like to move back East to be closer to family, but we are trusting God for His timing in all of that.

Is this internal struggle abnormal? I work with a lot of women who don't seem struggle with working full time and being moms. They see work as an outlet for them - some have even told me that they are better moms when they aren't around their kids all the time. That is not me at all. I get confusing messages from society about the kind of wife and mom I am supposed to be instead of who God wants me to be. I want to please God in my heart attitude and my actions. So I am seeking Him for what His Word says about what a Godly wife and mom looks like. When I see what He says, then the turmoil within me settles some. God talks about a wife being a diligent, hardworking, trustworthy, respectful, loving, always looking out for the good of her household. I think that looks different for each woman and family. Our situation right now has me working outside the home and David working at home and caring for Trey while I work. God has provided amazingly for us, and I am so thankful for that. But in my heart, I am so looking forward to being home full time and caring for David, Trey, and our new baby boy. If you could pray for me that I will be patient and trust God in this process, and that I won't believe the lies the enemy throws at me about not being a good wife and mom. This has been a discouraging last couple months as I struggle with all these thoughts and feelings, and I wanted to be honest so that you could pray for me and for us.